Nighttime sharpens, heightens
each sensation --
Darkness stirs, and wakes
Oh so true. My emotions are always heightened at night. The things I am excited about I'm always excited over the top at night. And my fears and anxieties are also very exaggerated at night. Sometimes, it is just frustrating. But it heightens my awareness of how good God is to send me wonderful gifts (the things I'm excited about) and how loving he is, no matter what I'm going through (my fears and anxieties).
Tonight I will probably think about the movie I saw this afternoon with Josiah, about all the things that need doing tomorrow before we leave on Wednesday, and about how much fun we'll have with my dad's family for Thanksgiving. I'll think about all the ways that I failed God and myself today, and the ways that I succeeded. I will think about who I am, and who I wish to be. I might imagine myself married someday, or I might imagine all the things I wish I could do before I get older. Hopefully, I will remember the things I should be praying for, and I will take the time to talk to God and tell him how much I love him and how thankful I am for him.
It's easy to get caught up in the dreams and wishes I have for my life at night. All the things I want to do, all of who I want to be, is the ideal me, not usually the real me. It would be so easy to get caught up in the ideal life I would live, and lose sight of reality. I have to make myself remember at night that God is the God of the real me, that he governs and rules the real world I live in and I can't always live in a world of pretend.
But I don't think God is against pretending. I think he must look down at me as I lie awake in bed, dreaming of all I'll be, and all I'll do, and he smiles as he says, "Yes, those dreams are good and right dreams. But she doesn't even realize how awesome the plan I have for her is. She doesn't realize that my plan for her life is so different from what she is imagining. But it's ok. As long as she trusts me to be better than her dreams."
As long as I trust. I can still dream. I can still plan. I can still wish. As long as I trust.