I am an introvert. I have a hard time starting conversations with new people, and it's hard for me to make new friends; most of the friends I have I've had for years. I hate being an introvert. I want almost more than anything to be able to be outgoing, and meet new people easily. I want so badly to be outgoing that I imagine that I am, and so I go places expecting meeting new people to be easy, and then I get disappointed because I get totally stuck. It's so very frustrating. Obviously God didn't make a mistake. He must have a reason for creating me an introvert.
Is He also the one who put the deep desire in my heart to be friendly and outgoing? Those are good things. So why did He make me introverted?
Every week, on Sunday morning, I have such high hopes for being outgoing at church. I'm sure that I'll be able to say Hi to everyone I meet, and get to know some new people. It all seems so easy...
And then I get there, and it's so hard for me to come out of my shell. Maybe it's a pride thing. That usually seems to be the problem with most of my struggles. Maybe I need to squash my pride and forget about my self-esteem. Maybe I also need to just let go, stop worrying, and trust a God who's bigger than me, and bigger than this universe. Maybe? I think a definite yes would suffice.
i wrote a long comment then accidentally erased it so i will write you a letter instead.
ReplyDeletePride is a most deceptive enemy and can appear very godly at sometimes. What can happen sometimes is that we are more concerned about ministering to people than we are about the people we are ministering to. So instead of trying to get to know someone because we love them we can try to get to know people because we have a secret motive of changing that person. There may very well be change that is needed in that person but if we try to enter into a relationship with that kind of motive we often fail at both. People will go to idiots to find advice if the idiot is their friend, someone who cares about them and is accepting more or less. Certainly a true friend gives words of reproof but a true friend more often than not gives words of encouragement and acceptance. Often times positive reinforcement is better accepted than critical evaluation.
ReplyDeleteTry forgetting about changing people and just try to get to know people. If you appreciate someone you enjoy talking about even the most mundane and foolish things. Don't get caught up in thinking to be a good influence you must be always appearing as spiritually minded. Sometimes "spirituality" can actually turn people off and make them distance themselves from you. Either you come across as proud, or at the very least "too holy" to really accept them.
As I said this all comes down to pride. Are we really willing to completely let go of our own self image? Are we really willing to "not let our left hand know what our right hand is doing"? Or do we have even a small desire to practice our righteousness before men?
Are we making ministry our idol above the people we are ministering too? Isn't that more about ourselves than about others? We like to minister to others because we feel useful but we really don't care about the people we're ministering to as much as we'd like to think.
Namarie,
Mellon
Hmm... I know what you mean, and I completely agree. It's still really hard though- whenever I think I have a good idea about something, I realize I'm being self-centered. I appreciate your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to your letter, Virginia girl; I'll try to write one to you too. <3
Isaiah. I needed your comment. Thanks. Lydia described it as a sermon.. :P
ReplyDeleteLonda. I love you to bits and your letter was fabulous. Response coming soon to mailboxes near you.