I ache, but not because I'm suffering.
I weep, but not because I have reason to cry.
I'm lost, but not because you can't find me.
I'm lonely, but not because you've ever left me.
With no reason for my tears,
with no cause for my aching heart,
how do I come before you
and ask you to change things?
Make me to know your ways, God. I'm not asking to be told what you're going to do, just remind me once again that you are completely perfect and everything you do will turn out for the very best. Remind me once again that no matter how many pains we take on our journey there, eternity is a long time to heal our hurts (thanks, Seth).
I am so blessed. So incredibly blessed. And so, in spite of how much my heart hurts, in spite of my desire to just go and be with you and away from everything right now, I am still peacefully content. Because you are love. When I am embraced by love itself, and when I stop to think about that, it changes everything. And I realize that with that hope, I can survive the roughest storm.
As I write, my desire's changing. I no longer feel the need to ask God to take my tears away. I suddenly have an intense desire just to be with Jesus. To see him smile, his brightness breaking into pieces every shadow lurking in my heart. To hear him laugh, that lovely burst of sound shattering all fears that crowd me. To hold his hand, that grasp of comfort and stability, encompassing my soul, silencing the shoutings of my head, as I look into his eyes. Those eyes, that must be beautiful beyond every measure, with strength and compassion combined into one. And when he takes me in his arms, I'll lose sight of everything around me, knowing only that I could never stop falling in love with him. He is beyond wonderful. He's more than everything I can wish or imagine. And my strongest desire right now is to be with him.
As is always my prayer, God, just hold me close now.