Sunday, November 18, 2012

the healing inside out

It is told me again and again,
how important and even necessary it is,
this thing called gratitude.

She says it again and again,
says how we need it for
health and happiness,
because our salvation
requires it,
and especially because
it brings intimacy with God.

And sure, I nod,
I'll agree with that,
it's a nice idea,
nice something to try.

And deep down
do I ever really believe it?
If I did
wouldn't I be living it?

Heart dried out just enough
to be so ready for water
and the pastor speaks,
loving, caring for me,
"Gratitude is the only way
we go from being 'ok'
on only the outside
to being whole on the inside.
Gratitude is the second healing,
the touch from God,
that heals our hearts
on the inside."

And aren't I ready
to stop being merely
okay on the outside,
and find some wholeness
on the inside?

So I spill all over my pages,
the little things
--my wool grey sweater,
hot coffee at breakfast,
warm flannel sheets,
and the luxury of an extra pillow--
and the big things
--my hope of heaven,
God's faithfulness,
and His commitment to my
character being stronger
than to my happiness--
and this is hard.

My heart pulls back,
clenches tight in pain,
unwilling to admit
there can be beauty here.
But I can't escape it.
So I spill more and more
until I am drenched
in the light of the positive.

He is good. He is all good.
I am so spoiled.

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